My husband always invited me along on his business trips. I went with him on most of them, and it was a blast. I would usually go shopping or explore the area while he was in class. We would then we’d meet up for dinner, or later in the evening. Of course, those trips were also places I was interested in seeing. The business trips slowed down and/or were in a boring place. I didn’t know at the time that business trips are the perfect setting for affairs. Had I known, I would have been on each trip.
Hindsight, huh? If I had only known. I would have attended every, single business trip, regardless of where they were. During his affair the trips were typically in the same city. He went on about 6 business trips, each about 4 nights long. I missed him SO much while he was gone. But he had so much homework that he wouldn’t have a lot of time to spend with me.
He wasn’t always in his hotel room
Him having sex with another woman) is kills me. Equally brutal is that when he called me I would always ask if he was settled in for the night. It made me feel good knowing that he wasn’t going back out. He would usually say he had to study for the class the following day. Or he would say that he picked up a couple of beers to drink in his room. Maybe he would read a book or something. Lies. All lies. When he called me, he knew damn well that he was going to be meeting up with her. How could he do this? At the end of our conversations he always told me he loved me. But then he went out immediately afterward and met up with her. Sometimes he met at the bar. Other times, the bar then her hotel.
Why didn’t I cross his mind? He didn’t even think of me and what he was about to do. And recently talking with me wasn’t enough to deter from seeing her that night. Between the time we hung up and the time he met her there wasn’t an ounce of guilt apparently. He had plenty of time to feel guilty…but he didn’t. Not at all. Not on all of those business trips, and not each time he slept with her in between business trips. At least for the first couple years of his affair there was no guilt. He pretty much admitted that to me.
Business trips are convenient if you’re having an affair
The moral of my story is…ladies and gentlemen – business trips are a breeding ground for affairs. If you are able, you should always go on your spouse’s business trips. No matter what. I’m sure he would have still carried on his affair one way or another. I would have deterred him from having sex with her at least a few times. It would have made it harder for them to get as attached emotionally (since they weren’t seeing each other much). I guess. Who knows.
My husband even told me about this incident after D-Day (because I had a lot of questions, naturally). I told him that I wanted the truth. Nothing but the truth. He did answer honestly, to some of the questions at least, and the answers stung. One morning of one of his 4 day business trips, he needed to know if his tie matched his shirt. Who did he call to ask? Hint…it wasn’t me. He sent her a photo of what he had on and she gave him her opinion. Isn’t this the type of thing a husband usually asks his wife to help with?
What if you can’t go on your spouse’s business trip?
It isn’t always possible to accompany your spouse on business trips, but you can still be vigilant from home. You can keep and eye on things from a distance. Here are a few things I suggest for both before the business trip and during:
- When he first informs you about his business trip, act excited because you want to go along. Even if you have kids and work, maybe mention that you really want to go and will take time off of work and find someone to watch the kids. The reason for doing this is to gage his reaction. If he is adamant that you don’t go with him, push a little harder. He might fumble with his excuses, offering clues. Or you should at least be able to see how mad or upset he gets.
- Call the hotel room in the evening around 10:30 or so (depending on what time he typically goes to bed, you may want to adjust the time, but not too early). Even if you’ve already said your “goodnights” for the evening. Still do it.
- FaceTime him out of the blue! If he doesn’t answer the phone in his hotel room, then call him via FaceTime. It makes a loud noise when someone calls this way, so again, he should be able to hear it. This is a great way to also see his surroundings. Is he in his room? Is he somewhere else – not in his hotel? He may wonder why you are Facetiming – it is because you were worried since he didn’t answer his hotel phone. Of course if he doesn’t answer the FaceTime call, then that’s a problem too. He might call you back on his cell phone as a regular phone call, and when he does, tell him that you want to FaceTime so you can see his face.
- If you are really suspicious, I would say to just surprise him and show up at his door in the evening. If he is there, invite yourself in and have a little fun. If he is not there, wait around until he shows up. If he is mad that you’re there, there is probably a reason.
It makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH when I think of how many trips I missed. By me missing those business trips, it allowed him to be with her. So much for the heartfelt (or so I thought) “I love you” and “good night”. Oh and that was right along with telling me how many hours were left until he came home. There is this thing my husband would do when on a business trip. He would count down the hours so it didn’t seem too long until he would be home. He would say, “Just 36 hours to go!”, right before we hung up for the night.
I should have gone on every business trip. I will never forgive myself for letting that happen. Ever.
So what are your thoughts about going along on your spouse’s business trips? Do you usually go with him/her? Do you think that business trips cause affairs? I think that business trips make it easier to carry on an affair. Is that how you feel too?