During most of our relationship, from dating up until a few years ago, my husband always invited me along on his business trips. I went with him, and it was a blast. Of course, those times were also places I was interested in seeing. Then the business trips slowed down a bit, and when he had them, they were in a city that I didn’t care to visit. I would probably have been bored during the daytime while he was in his conference.
If I had only known. I would have attended every, single business trip, regardless of where they were. During his affair the trips were in the same city. He went on about 6 business trips, each about 4 nights long. I remember missing him SO much while he was gone, but he had usually told me that there would be so much homework and that he wouldn’t have a lot of time to spend with me.
What kills me the most I think (well other than the obvious – him having sex with another woman) is that he would call me in the early evenings, and I would always ask if he was settled in for the night. It made me feel good knowing that he wasn’t going back out. He would usually say he had to study for the class the following day. Or he would say that he picked up a couple of beers to drink in his room, and maybe read a book or something. Lies. All lies. When he called me, he knew damn well that he was going to be meeting up with her. How could he do this? At the end of our conversations he always told me he loved me, but then he went out immediately afterward and either met her at the bar (before going to her hotel), or he went straight to her hotel.
Why didn’t I cross his mind? Why wasn’t the thought of me enough, between the time we hung up and the time he met her. He had plenty of time to feel guilty…but he didn’t. Not at all. At least for the first couple years of his affair.
The moral of my story is…ladies and gentlemen – always go on your spouse’s business trips. No matter what. Granted, he would have still carried on his affair one way or another, but I would have deterred him from having sex with her at least a few times. It makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH when I think of how little I mattered back then. This certainly wasn’t the man I knew.
I will never forgive myself for letting that happen. Ever.