Trust but verify. Unfortunately, this has become a new motto/mantra of mine. After you have been lied to so carelessly for years and years, you can’t just blindly trust again. This is especially true if your cheating partner was fond of “trickle truth” after the discovery of his/her affair.
Trickle truth is an ugly demon of its own. It is incredibly cruel for the betrayed partner who is desperately trying to fit all of the pieces together. Just when they think they know everything about the affair…BAM, but wait, there’s more! There is always more. What you get from them on D-Day isn’t everything. Not by a long run. Cheating spouses will tell you the minimal amount of information they can get away with about their affair. Usually it depends on the proof you have, as to how much they are willing to divulge. Even then, minimized.
It’s a sad state of affairs (no pun intended!), when you cannot trust the person you vowed to spend your life with. Or the person who is supposed to be there for you through thick and thin, only to have them shred your world to pieces for months…or even many years.
What this tends to do to a person who has been cheated on, is to cause them to not trust anyone or anything in life. After all, you went along blindly, not thinking that it could even be an issue. You soulmate would never be so cruel, right? Well since you now know what they are capable of, they have put you in a position to not be able to trust.
I remember 2 months after my own D-Day (it was still VERY raw), my husband and I went on a trip to visit friends. We took their ATV out for a ride and we had a conversation about his affair. He got annoyed and said to me, “Either trust me or don’t”. The look on my face must have been horror, shock and complete disbelief. I quickly retorted with, “Is that REALLY what you want to say?”. I was seeing red, I was SO mad.
The type of comment that he made just goes to show that he had NO IDEA the damage he had done to me. That is infuriating in itself. The cheater will never understand the pain they have caused. In my case, you’d think that on D-Day for a few days following, my teeth would chatter uncontrollably. I was in shock. Severe shock, as my world crumbled before my feet.
So henceforth, I will NEVER trust again fully. With anyone. I will most likely trust some more than others, but for my husband, I will verify anything that seems “off” or just doesn’t sit well with me. I have learned that those gut feelings are most often correct. You just know…
This is one phrase to remember, folks. If you’ve been cheated on, and if you were made to be a fool, you’ll want to keep this phrase in your healing toolbox.
Trust…but verify.
