My husband and I had a conversation the other day and I asked if his mistress knew he loved me. He thought about it and said, “No”. It cut like a knife to hear him say that. Why does it matter to me?
For three years, while he was seeing the other woman, he never gave any indication to her that he loved me? Even when he finally was winding things down with her, he had told her he felt incredibly guilty and that he couldn’t do this anymore. But he didn’t say, “I love my wife”. To me, that is what a real man feeling remorse would say, right?
Or maybe he just didn’t want to piss her off.
He says he never stopped loving me, but this is hard for me to comprehend. While he was sleeping with another woman, he was loving me? Not enough apparently. Maybe he loved me in a roommate kind of way, or a “I’ve been with you so long” kind of way. But it wasn’t true, dedicated love. When did he stop loving me in such a way? We always got along perfectly.
But back to my original topic. She didn’t know he loved me…at all. I envision them talking about me (not in a good way), even though he has assured me that whenever she would bring me up, he would change the subject. My thinking is if he was in such a “bad” place, that he might have said anything about me, to justify his horrible actions. This is so unlike my husband, that it makes my heart ache.
I assume she thought that I was some horrible monster of a wife. She must have thought that he was neglected and sex-starved. What I’m sure she didn’t know is that for several years I had been begging him to be more affectionate. I told him I wanted to be intimate more often. He just didn’t seem interested, and now I know why. I tried and tried, but he chose to be with someone else. I didn’t let myself go, and was actually quite proud that I still look good. I thought he was too, yet his mistress was very unattractive. I just don’t understand the attraction or need. I guess she stroked his ego enough that she finally looked good to him.
Sometimes I wish I could talk to her, or write her a letter, telling her how our marriage REALLY was and that I am the one he loved…not her. Whatever impression she has of our marriage is horribly wrong. Not that she would care, but for some reason I do. I desperately want his mistress to know he loved me. Even better would be for him to tell her personally, while I listened in.
Maybe “yours” isn’t the right term, but the woman or man that your husband (or wife) had their affair with. I wonder if their personalities are similar, or if only a few are slightly psycho.
The other woman in my case is a nut…straight up. A bulk size can of mixed nuts. Unfortunately, I know who she is on Twitter, and she knows who I am. She knows I look at her page (mostly to watch my back), and she stalks my page to taunt me, and try to get me to believe they are still seeing each other. I’m pretty sure if they were that she would keep her mouth shut. D-day happened months ago, yet she will not let go and move on with her life (and HER husband). She is married for God’s sake…why not work on her own marriage? Yes, she is MARRIED! Personally I think she’s got some big balls to tweet the things she does. I have been “nice” and haven’t told her husband. Actually I’m being nice to him, as I don’t want another innocent person to face the immense hurt and humiliation that I have experienced.
So back to the other woman/man (let’s just say “other person” going forward).
What does the other person look like? Are they thinner than you? Taller than you? Prettier or more handsome? Do they have a great personality?
I’m sure you have asked these same questions, but I don’t think everyone has had the “pleasure” of seeing the other person. I have seen plenty of pictures and let me tell you, EWWWW. Just EW. When I first saw her ugly mug, I was horrified at how unattractive she is. I’m not just saying this because she slept with my husband, but she is seriously gross. Her teeth are crooked, her hair is reddish and “crispy”, she is rather large and she usually has a stupid, smug look on her face.
Naturally, this begged the question, “Why?”. Why on earth would he prefer her over me? Not tooting my own horn here, but I am pretty, I am petite, and I have kept myself up well. I still turn a head or ten when I am out and about. He has told me there is no comparison (no shit). Was he really that desperate? How could he look at her with a straight face without busting out laughing? And I cannot even fathom how he could sleep with her. EW again. He is pretty patriotic, so maybe he stuck a flag in her mouth and did it for his country. Who knows. Honey, what the f$#k were you thinking?? It is definitely an insult to me, but whatever. Not that I can understand an affair under any circumstance, but if she was HOT, it would make at least a little bit of sense. Of course, that would probably be even worse. Luckily, I know that I am a gazillion times more attractive than her.
What about their personality? Is (s)he funny? We have already determined that in my case, she is funny looking, but I digress. I think she *thinks* she is funny, by what she posts on Twitter. I think she just sounds stupid when she talks like a high school gansta’. She is 48, a supposedly grown woman. I also think she is a narcissist. She NEEDS and CRAVES attention. She actually has a couple of Twitter profiles (she doesn’t know I know this), and on her secondary profile she touts “goodness”. No bullying, no hating…just peace, love and happiness. How ironic, since I have seen her bully and taunt countless people on her primary Twitter account. Oh, but people think she is the epitome of wholesome, and they praise her constantly. GAG. I’m on to you bitch.
She is conniving, manipulative and evil. She obviously doesn’t care about others and she has no conscience. If she did, she wouldn’t have slept with my husband and she wouldn’t have done this to her own husband. She is a “me, me, me” kind of gal for sure. I learn a little more about her every day, as I observe what she posts on Twitter. It’s not pretty at all. My husband is no longer on Twitter, but she tweets to he and I, knowing damn well that I am the target of her hatred. OH! And she uses a special hashtag, to make sure I know they are for me (since she doesn’t use the “@”).
What are their interests & hobbies? Well, thanks to Twitter, I also know this! She is a big sports fan, seems to wear only branded t-shirts (usually black and drab), and apparently she has no other interests (except sleeping with men that are married). To me, she seems “manly” and “harsh”. She is definitely a rough stretch of highway…one that has been ridden on way too many times.
What does she like to eat? (besides, ya know). Well, she likes the whole damn buffet apparently! I really don’t care what she likes, to tell the truth. I just felt like throwing another dig in there.
Was she good in bed? I don’t think I’ll ever get an honest answer on this one (probably just as well). I am led to believe that she just kind of laid there (rightttt). I do know that she has a bum knee, which limited positions a bit. I, however, am quite bendy, and have shown my husband this many, many times since D-day. We’ve been doing it like rabbits, actually, and it has been HOT, HOT, HOT! So yeah, I know I am also better than her in this department. I think the only reason he “slept” with her is because he was desperate and she was willing.
So tell me about the “other person” in your spouse’s affair – I am dying to know!